Managing School Stress
“Nobody’s listening if everybody’s yelling.”
It’s a simple, but true statement shared by child and family therapist Julie Bullock during our recent Table Talk event on managing school stress. And in the midst of a global pandemic with many families teaching unfamiliar school curriculum at home…we’ve all experienced the yelling.
Fortunately, Julie equipped attendees with helpful skills that parents can use to manage their own anxiousness around school struggles. She also encouraged moms to teach those same skills to their children since they can be useful for a lifetime.
While attendees were familiar with a few of these stress-management techniques, many didn’t know how to engage them properly. Julie’s expertise was such a welcome gift to overworked, stressed out moms ready for solutions. Here are a few takeaways that might be helpful for you, too:
Self-Awareness: Breathe deeply and notice your five senses to become more self-aware in the midst of a stressful or overwhelming moment. Julie led attendees through a relaxation exercise that had everyone feeling like they just left the spa! She suggested that we can choose to be restored from the inside out when we take time to remember who made our kids, who loves them more than us, and who gave us power over our feelings. “Calm people survive,” she said. And, when you’re calm, you become more approachable, more present and more in control of outcomes.
Undivided Attention: We are wired to be problem solvers, multi-taskers and think about 95 things at once. Instead of always multi-tasking, it can be more helpful to focus on one task at a time during the moments that mater most. As a mom, Julie knows we’re required to multi-task in order to be efficient, but if we can identify the moments that matter most to our children, to our spouses and to ourselves, then we can apply a singular focus to those things and then move confidently to the next task. This minimizes stress, forces us to slow down for a moment and communicates to those we love that they matter.
Manage Expectations: As parents, we tend to hold perfectionism in high esteem. Let’s stop that. Expecting our kids to always perform perfectly at all times (behavior, grades, or otherwise) is unreasonable and sets everyone up for a “not good enough” mentality – especially when we make light of their feelings. Julie encouraged parents to remember that there is no perfect person and everyone feels frustrated, sad or impatient at times. But we should cope with those feelings appropriately, not avoid them altogether.
“What we’ve been asked to do in this schooling climate is literally impossible if your expectation is perfection all the time, for all parties,” said Julie. “Remember, we are all new to this, including your children.”
It’s good to have high expectations, but it’s also good to evaluate those expectations and adjust them accordingly:
Are your expectations fair?
Are your expectations age appropriate?
Are your expectations grace-filled?
Let’s not tell our kids to “stop it” when they begin getting frustrated. Instead, let’s help everyone to stop, pause, breathe and listen so we can guide and teach them better.
Self-Talk: If your child is old enough to talk, they’re old enough to have an internal self-dialogue, just as adults do. How we talk to ourselves impacts how we feel, and how we feel impacts how we behave. So, we must begin to shift the way we talk to ourselves and our kids if we want to shift behavior. Our children are always listening and always watching, which should empower us to change – not shame us into guilt. To replace negative self-talk, we can use “better but believable” statements.
In closing Julie reminded us that we are God’s creation and dearly loved by Him.
“God’ Word tells us that our children are HIS creation. First, they belong to Him; then they belong to us. Not by any accident but because of His good plan.”
He made our children on purpose, for a purpose – and we’ve been entrusted with them. She encouraged us to be good stewards of parenting skills and reminded us that God is concerned about the hearts of our children first and foremost.
“Parenting is the hardest job we’ve been called to do, but you have been called…there’s no question about that. It’s just a matter of how you handle that calling.”