Ask the Expert: What Self-Care Is...and What It Isn't
guest blog contributed by Alicia Hartman, MS, LCMHCA
As employers, employees, spouses, moms, and friends we empty our cups daily. We give to others and often forget to take care of ourselves. This is where the term self-care comes in. We have all seen the buzz word “self-care” on social media, the internet and have heard it from certain professionals in our lives. Without a good routine to take care of ourselves, we risk burnout in our lives and increased stress levels. As a therapist, I discuss self-care frequently and its importance. We cannot expect to be there for others when we are not successfully there for ourselves.
Self-care can be easily misunderstood as well. I often receive push back from my clients when I ask what their self-care routine entails. I hear the response “I don’t have the time,” “the money,” “I’m too tired to go to the gym,” or even “I don’t know what I would do for self-care.” Another common response is thinking that taking time for oneself is selfish.
The idea of implementing a routine seems daunting and impossible to many. We often think of self-care as this big, monumental activity that we need to complete frequently to better maintain our physical and mental health. There is also the thought that it needs to be a physical or pampering activity. While none of these are incorrect, they are not the only ways to participate in self-care. The number one important thing about self-care is yourself. Ask yourself, what do you enjoy? And another key question is what rejuvenates you or brings you peace? These are the keys to successful self-care. Being able to take time for yourself to experience something you enjoy…a moment to let go of the stress of all the roles that you play.
To start a self-care routine, I suggest clients being with creating small habits. It can be as simple as taking 10 minutes a day to do something you enjoy, or something that rejuvenates you. Do you feel happy and at ease when you make your bed? That can be self-care. Do you feel joy when you call a friend to catch up? That is self-care. Does going out with friends and shopping rejuvenate you? This is self-care. Once the activity becomes habit, add more if you feel you need to.
Self-care can also be setting boundaries within your life. How many times have you said yes to someone or something without really wanting to do it? You said yes due to a sense of obligation and now there is this task looming over you. Saying no and setting boundaries is an important step to self-care as well.
Can the idea or practice of self-care be too much or taken too far? Like anything in life, there is a balance to the routine. We must remain mindful of our obligations in life. While shopping for a new outfit can be self-care, we still should consider our personal finances. If having a glass of wine is your self-care, be mindful that doing so to unwind every night is not a habit that promotes our health and could create other problems within our lives.
When self-care becomes rigid or dreaded, this is when self-care is no longer promoting our best interests. This is where you need to take a step back and ask if this is serving you and your overall well-being. If the answer is no, reassess your activities and move forward. Self-care is not selfish. We need to be able to care for ourselves first and be in a better mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual place before we can give to others.
Alicia Hartman, MS, LCMHCA is a therapist at Integrity Counseling & Wellness. She enjoys treating children and teens with play therapy, a natural way of self-expression. Allie also provides marriage and family therapy to those she serves with their individual goals in mind.